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Welcome! I think I know how you feel Marie, (And don’t worry, your English is just fine 🙂 ) One thing I try to remember when contemplating this subject is that Judeo-Christian ideas about marriage have already been redefined numerous times since the biblical era… It is my understanding that in those times marriage was primarily a business arrangement, even sometimes political or strategic, with any affection or love between the couple as a pleasant (but relavtily unimportant) “perk”. That is clearly a different definition of marriage than we have today. Can you imagine if modern Christians actually followed the marriage customs of the ancient Israelites, complete with dowries, plural marriage, etc.?
It is also my feeling that there is no sin that could result from being homosexual that can’t also be done by heterosexual people. It is all very confusing indeed, especially for those of us these issues affect directly, but as I hear so often from Orthodox folks, “anything is possible with God”!
May He guide you in your search.

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