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#1675
James
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I have no theological training so hesitate to offer you advice. But as no one else has yet answered your post, I’ll offer you this:

You don’t say in your post what your relationship with your wife is, whether she is aware of your situation or not. Even if you don’t feel able to offer her love in the traditional sense, you can give her the marital gifts of care, consideration and honesty.

Turning to your feeling of guilt, prayer is always useful when one feels uneasy. Let me suggest a method which works for me, though it may not be taught by your spiritual advisors: Assume a calm attitude, setting anything troubling you aside so that you do not need to dwell on it. Then pray as you normally do, which may be reading the prayers you normally do from the prayer book and/or bringing your worries before God in your own words. After that—-and this is the crucial step—-don’t rush off into the tasks of your daily life but stay quietly, perhaps for an hour or so, not letting your mind dwell on anything or getting caught in ‘stories’ about what you have done or what you should have done or what you ought to do. Instead, leave your mind free to listen to God. If you do not receive his answer within the hour, do not despair. Simply go back to your daily routine and God’s answer will come to you within a day or two. When God’s answer does come, you will know it with certainty because the feeling of relief that overcomes you will be so powerful.

I hope this, and knowing that others are praying for you, will be of some help.

In closing, let me say that in my opinion it is a sad comment on the state of the Orthodox Church that so many who struggle with feelings related to homosexuality fear bringing their worries (and joys) to their priest and/or family.

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