Elena and Sophia, I’ve thought a lot about your situation. Have you asked your priest if you could join the communion line and simply kiss the chalice rather than receive the elements? This might be a sort of compromise solution agreeable to both you and your priest/bishop.

I wonder, too, if your church holds vesper, vigil or akathist services where you might feel more comfortable than at liturgy because communion is not given. I live within walking distance of a cathedral so am spoiled for choice. But even if you aren’t so fortunate, you no doubt continue to feel God’s presence thought private devotions and observing the fasts.