Home Forums General Discussion Coming out Reply To: Coming out

#2201
James
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Titan, I live in one of the least homophobic countries in Europe, and that includes the Church, so can’t say anything about the courage needed to come out. More important than coming out, I think, is having the self-confidence not to allow yourself to get pushed into something you know isn’t right for you even when ‘everyone else’ is doing it. By that I’m thinking of things like getting married, taking monastic vows, bashing minorities—-or coming out.

You write, “I wonder if this is a good idea at all, but I know that I have no other choice.” There is always another choice. Even if we don’t make any sort of coming out announcement, I tend to think those people who know us well are already aware of our ‘secret’, and fine with it as long as they can pretend they don’t know. When we come out verbally, we force them to acknowledge our ‘secret’. And to judge from comments on Orthodox and general Christian websites, that seems to make many people very uncomfortable, which often causes them to become quite hostile.

Finding the balance that’s right for you between ‘living in the closet’ and ‘flaunting your lifestyle in everyone’s face’ probably isn’t going to be easy. It’s a great pity that in this area your priest is likely to be one of the least sympathetic people to turn to as you try to discover what is acceptable to God and right for you. If you live in a homophobic society, you may want to proceed slowly and cautiously.

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