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Nikola
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Hello, my name is Nikola and I wanted to share my story with you and get a statement or an advise.

I was raised in a serbian-orthodox family in Germany, a religious and loveful family.
When I was 16 I realized that I felt attracted to other boys, but at these days I whiped the thoughts out, because I don’t wanted to believe that that is true.
After years (I’m 20 years old now) in March I desided to take the opportunity to test it and to make this clear for myself. After some dates and a summer affair in Greece I met a boy I really felt in love with. His parents actually lives in our region but he is studying in Austria. It is a distance-relationship.
I visited him two times, 5-7 days each time, and we spended every day together, when he was here. At least we saw each other every 20-25 days. I truly never had that strong feelings to anybody although I had girlfriends, too. But I think they were just a replacement for some kind of love I wanted to have but didn’t felt.

Afterwards at the end of October my parents got to know about this relationship and love… and started crying and praying for my salvation. My dad burnt the T-Shirt my boyfriend gave me, when I was in Austria in September and we also talked to the priest of our chirch who told me that I have to stop this and to come back to the right path and to take the decision against this perverted kind of “love”, telling me I can’t even know what love is. He and my parents just gave me the opportunity to choose:
1. Will I stay at that path and choose the devil, make the people around me sad and also get barred of the church and the orthodox religion (pravoslavlje)… or
2. Choose my family and break up with my beloved one and find a way back to the “right” path.

They think beeing gay is decision and not a fixed nature and now I’m in a war between family, religion and love – my eternal life.
I wanted to quit the contact to my boyfriend but this ended up in 4 break-ups, an endless mass of tears and the obvious fact that we are unable to quit our relationship like that… So we are staying together now. Im trying to find a people sharing appartment to move out, what my parents don’t know now, too.

So I think I already made a decision but I would just like to hear what do you think. My brother and sister, who are not homophobic at all, told me to let my beloved one go and to try something with girls again and to deside then.

Thank you in advance…

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