Home Forums General Discussion "But I thought you were a Christian?!"

  • This topic has 8 replies, 1 voice, and was last updated 5 years ago by Joe.
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  • #1616 Reply
    Maria
    Guest

    Lately I’ve been trying to be more honest about my sexuality to others (not at church, mind). I started a new job in March and while I usually let people assume I have a husband when they discover I’m married, I decided this time I was going to correct them. A few hours ago, as I was leaving work, I was chatting with a reliever (I’m a teacher) and she asked me about my husband. I told her that I actually have a wife and her first response was “but I thought you were a Christian?!”. Another staff member made a comment about me being more “immoral” than other staff members because I have a wife. I can’t stop thinking about these comments and so thought I’d try and talk about it here.
    I don’t consider the way I conduct my romantic life to be immoral – I married the first and only person I ever dated, never intend to be divorced (God willing), would never cheat, etc but I’m “more immoral” than my colleagues because of my wife’s gender. (It might bear mentioning that none of my colleagues are Christian, several have children with more than one father, etc – not that I am judging them – I just find it so strange that they are judging me!).
    I don’t know. I feel really down about it šŸ™ I kind of wish I had never told any of them. I hate the way it changes peoples’ opinions of me.

    #1617 Reply
    Isaac
    Guest

    Don’t let the actions of others ruin your inner peace. If they bother you, tell them that some people are gay and you’re just going to have to get over your 12th century mindnset. Besides, why is it any of their business with what you do in your personal life?

    #1618 Reply
    Maria
    Guest

    You’re right, Isaac. I let other peoples’ opinions get me down, and I should really try not to. I think part of my anxiety and distress around this whole situation is that I’m not used to it – I’m used to keeping it a secret and letting people know makes me feel insecure.

    #1619 Reply
    James
    Guest

    Hi Maria,

    So sorry to hear you’re having a negative reaction from some of your colleagues. It takes a lot of courage to come out ( = be honest) in the workplace, especially if it’s a school. No doubt there are other colleagues who welcome your honesty and support you, though they may do so silently.

    This trick I like to use when talking with people who don’t know me well might be of use to you: Rather than speaking of your wife, refer to her as your ‘spouse’ or ‘partner’. That allows others to draw their own conclusions–or avoid picturing you and your wife in their mind’s eye if that makes them uncomfortable.

    Of course I’m fortunate to live in a country where the language spoken isn’t English, where legal protection is strong, and where the vast majority are willing to accept or at least tolerate LGBT people–and where the Church hierarchy seems fairly open-minded. Perhaps the US (where I assume you live) will one day catch up.

    #1620 Reply
    Maria
    Guest

    Hi James šŸ™‚
    I used to say “partner” but people would say “what’s he do?” etc. I used to go along with it but lately I’ve decided not to, because I want to be honest and also, it hurts my wife when I pretend she’s a man. She is very open about our relationship and doesn’t care what other people say or think, but I’m not quite there yet.
    I’m from New Zealand, actually šŸ™‚ Legal protection is good here, thank God!

    #1629 Reply
    Joe
    Guest

    Well, I do live in the US… I get more guff for being ‘other-than-protestant’ than I do for for being gay… People are usually offended by my “faith+gay” way more than Olson old “gay”… Gay people in America are usually supposed to be against religion, if not Christ himself… (Kind of a “if you don’t like me, then I must not like you either” mindset) Don’t get me wrong, I like living in the USA; it’s my home; but i have no problem admitting that most people here are totally goofy when it comes to religion… (We are the home of Mormonism, after all… Wow!) I mean, our government was founded (and is preserved) by the weirdest of the weirdos… They were so weird and goofed up that they had to sail across the Atlantic just to get away from what they saw as “hateful evil satanic Europe” (I’m sure Europe was not too sad to see them leave, either. lol)
    At any rate, keep in mind that The Good Shepherd knows his sheep, and He is the only one who can sort us out… When the goats accuse the sheep of heresy and the sheep preach hell to the goats, we should all laugh at ourselves and the sillyness of man-made morality, and then have a modest meal together, maybe a couple of strong drinks, sing the happy and sad songs of our ancestors, and ultimately return to the shepherd; He’s the only chance we got.

    #1630 Reply
    Joe
    Guest

    Olson = plain

    #1635 Reply
    Maria
    Guest

    We don’t really have the Protestant/Not-Protestant divide here, though I think the largest singular group of Christians here are Anglican, followed closely by Catholics.
    But most non-Christians do expect gay people to hate Christianity. Sigh. I hate what has been done to gay/non-straight people in the NAME of Christianity, but that’s it.
    And thanks for translating olson – had no idea what that meant! šŸ™‚

    #1656 Reply
    Joe
    Guest

    BTW, “Olson” was a spell check error, not some goofy new Yankee slang word. I accidentally invited a friend of mine (I am white, he is brown) over to my house for “racist beef sandwiches” via text message the other night! He was a bit apprehensive about accepting the invitation until I noticed the error and corrected “racist” to “roast”… šŸ™‚

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