Be the Person You Needed When You Were Younger
October 30, 2023
Watching a documentary recently about the detrimental and life-threatening struggles thousands of homeless children face, I was struck by the following words of one of the counselors: “Be the person you needed when you were younger.” The often-quoted words are believed to originate from Ayesha Siddiqi, an author and children’s advocate. The counselor made this impassioned plea to those who might be able to support the admirable work of helping homeless children. Those of us fortunate enough to live in relative peace and prosperity rarely think, for very long, about those considerably less fortunate than us. Understandably, we get caught up in our own world and may only take a few moments to think about or help those less privileged and in need. To be sure, those needing everything from a warm smile, a compassionate ear to a good meal, are all around us if we just took the time to look and think and act. When we act, listen or think only a portion of the time about others, we are not being the person that others need.
After being an active parish priest for decades and then later a college and high school teacher, it took me a few years to realize that the most important thing I could do for my parishioners, or my students was to listen to them, deeply, intensely listen. Too often as a priest and as a teacher I felt my role was to “preach” and impart some wisdom, but more often than not, what people needed was to be listened to and feel that they had been heard. This is especially true for vulnerable individuals, I believe. They especially need to be heard.
The issue of being preached to and not heard is acute for LGBT Orthodox Christians. Many Christian denominations including the Orthodox Church have been very quick to speak without listening, to preach without knowing what needs to be heard, and to instruct without having learned themselves. Too many times well-meaning Orthodox bishops, priests, and even lay leaders of the Church assume that they know what to say, what to teach, and what to preach, without knowing their audience or worse without listening to the needs of their flock.
Particularly concerning LGBTQ individuals, how many bishops and priests of the Orthodox Church can honestly say that they know, understand, or have even listened to those of us who are gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender? The vast majority of us, I dare to assume, have been either condemned, shamed, ridiculed, yelled at, or ignored simply for stating and living the truth: we are who God made us to be, as LGBT individuals. It is understandable that bishops and priests expect to be listened to, can we not expect the same of them to listen to us? Is the Church being what the people need? “Be the person you need.”
So many LGBTQ Orthodox Christians simply want to feel the love of Christ and the warmth of His Church envelop us so that we can carry that love and warmth to those in need. The earthly Church has a mission to serve (Matthew 20:28) and part of serving is to listen, and indeed it may be the most important part.